Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
