Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
