So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Screwed.edu
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
