Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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