I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize