You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
