dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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