It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
