I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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