I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
