She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
