Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize