dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
