I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
