Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
