people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
