Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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