all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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