Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
