dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
