There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
