I wish my penis had an off switch
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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