Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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