he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
