Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
