i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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