Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
