Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
