Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
