What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
