you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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