Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
