If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
