I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
