just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
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hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
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This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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