Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
