We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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