You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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