cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
please don't ironically join a cult
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