i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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