I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
