haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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