Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
