Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we're making bets on your personal life
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
