There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
