I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
