Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
