Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
