Need sex. Gaining weight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
