How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
this is an emotional support booty call
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
