I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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