Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize