he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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