2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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