The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
