ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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