I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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