I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
