i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
