I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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