I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
