a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
