He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
