I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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