youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Fuck appropriateness.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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