so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
