i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
