She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
