Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
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tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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