That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
