1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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